Epic Rap Battles Of History

Abraham Lincoln: Four score and 65 years in the past I won the Civil War with my beard Now I’m here to whup your ass I’ve read up on your facts You cure cancer with your tears? Well, tell me Chuck how come you never sat down and cried on your career? You’re a...

EVE: This Battle's gonna end like every argument does With you kissing my ass and begging me for a rub I made a map motherfucker and I'm reading it too Gives me specific directions how to fuck with you I know that you like to think you're so macho But yo...

Adolf Hitler: I am Adolf Hitler Commander of the Third Reich Little known fact: Also dope on the mic! You are Vader, with your little boots and cape, and helmet to cover up that burnt ass face! You have the force to move objects, I am a force truly evil! even...

Albert Einstein: When I apply my battle theory, minds are relatively blown. So take a seat Steve Oop! I see you brought your own. What’s with your voice? I can’t frickin tell. You sound like WALL-E Having sex with a Speak & Spell I’ll school you anywhere M...

[ Ivan IV Groźny] Look alive Crème de la Kremlin's arriving Try to serve Ivan No surviving You're a land rover, I'm a land expander Here to hand you your first loss, Alexander I'll school you like Aristotle Smack you harder than you hit that bottle Yo...

Leonardo da Vinci: Cowabunga, dude, so let's get it on Reptiles against the fathers of the Renaissance We got the classical technique To kick these three toed freaks back under the street I take a turtle and I turn him into mincemeat You don't really wa...

Batman: Nice hat, dork, you look like a duck I had Alfred read your books, he told me they suck I'll crush your British nuts until they're bangers and mash I've seen better detective work in Tango & Cash You chump, I kick punks like you off the streets Whi...

Ben Franklin: I’m big Ben Franklin, and this shant be pretty, Let me instruct you how we battle in the city of Philly. You couldn’t sell Rick James a bag of crack, you’re out of practice. My victory’s more certain than death or taxes. Fact is, you’re a hack, w...

I come strapped with six pistols and a dagger, Walk under the black flag with a scallywag swagger, Ain't no parrot on my shoulder and no rings in my ear, I'm an irate pirate, real swashbuckling buccaneer, Beef with me? Please, I'm the high seas Caesar, My...

Picasso: I am the greatest, the modern art Muhammad Ali I melt faces, call me MC Dali Your whole body of work is a fluffy mountain of crap You're the PBS version of Nickelback But I think you must be a genius cause with zero training You made millions teaching...

[Bruce Banner] I'll school you in this battle of the baddest Bruce With your He-Man haircut and your Daisy Dukes I hear you're good at running, you're just like the Flash Especially in the hundred meter ditch your wife dash! I'm ace in the lab, acid, base...

Bruce Lee: I've got the baddest fists of fury that the world ever saw Defeat whole karate schools and motherfuckers with claws How can you talk more shit, with my fist in yo jaw? Don't need words to serve ya, I'mma just say WAA-CHAA! Your movies, they bor...

Marylin Monroe: Whose rap flow's the dopest? Marylin Monroe's is Overthrow Pharaohs, who oppose me like Moses You could never kick my ass, so kiss my clitoris This ugly hag and KassemG got matching noses Cleopatra: You betta hold more than your skirt, m...

Christopher Columbus: Arrivederci, Imma leave before this battle begins... ... ...'Cause we both know in the end which of this captains gonna win I'll show you how a real explorer handles a situation I'll beat you so bad they'll feel it in the next genera...

[Intro] EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY! DAVID COPPERFIELD! VERSUS! HARRY HOUDINI! BEGIN! [Harry Houdini] You've never seen a body quite the same as that of Houdini! Slippery like linguine, sneaking out of teeny-weeny Little spaces small enough to fit yo...

RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY! DOC BROWN! VERSUS! DOCTOR WHO! BEGIN! Doctor X: Actually, if you don't mind, it's just The Doctor Doesn't even really matter who. Who am I even talking to? Oh yes, you! The wannabe Einstein, minus the stache Travels through ti...

Donald Trump: Wake up, Scrooge, I'm about to take a Dickens of a dump On this lonely, homely little miserable grump I'm like the star on a Christmas tree, you're like the stump I'm not known for my heart but you're still getting trumped You remind me of m...

Hillary: I've been in this game too long; I'm a public servant! Have been since I met MLK in person! I'm a woman of the people; that's for certain! You're a man of the people who don't like turbans! I was living in the West Wing while you were profess...

William Shakespeare: Come bite my thumb! I hope you know the stakes! I'll put a slug between your shoulder blades Then ask what light through yonder poser breaks? I hath been iambic on that ass, ye bastard, my rhymes are classic Your crap is drafted by a...

The Easter Bunny: How you gonna battle? I invented hip hoppin. My little tail swinging and my big ears flopping. The Easter Bunny baby, I deserve to be arrogant. You ugly, Rapist, Pelt wearing barbarian. Uuuuu, what you gonna do? You’ve got a bucket on y...

Eastern Philosophers Vs Western Philosophers Nice Peter & EpicLLOYD FacebookTwitter Share Play [Intro] EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY! LAO TZU, SUN TZU, AND CONFUCIUS! VERSUS! NIETZSCHE, SOCRATES, AND VOLTAIRE! BEGIN! [Socrates] I'm coming off the...

[Intro] EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY ELON MUSK VS MARK ZUCKERBERG BEGIN! [Verse 1: Elon Musk] Call me Musk (uh!), I'm here to help (yeah!) Flush a Zuckerturd for humanity’s health I'm making brilliant innovations in a race against the dark ages You p...

[Theodore Roosevelt] Bully! A challenge! I love competition! Now, where would I mount the stuffed head of a Winston? (Ha!) I'm into fitness, digging ditches through an isthmus, Rough riding down to Cuba like, "What's up, bitches?!" I keep my rhymes pur...

Frank Sinatra- Ho! What's wrong with your face? Baby, yikes! With those teeth when you're through there'll be no dust left to bite! Christ, newsflash, kid: this is show business! Show some class when you dress, shave that bush off your lips! Your band's named...

[Thomas Jefferson] When in the course of human events It becomes necessary for a battle to commence Then kplow! I hit 'em with the illness of my quill I'm endowed with certain unalienable skills Let me run down my resume, will ya? Set up a little place c...

Gandalf: YOU SHALL NOT PASS I rap fast like Shadowfax Tom Riddle me this you b***h how's you're little wand gonna beat my staff I leave mic's in flames torched by Gandalf touch mine Dumbledore and scorch you're other hand off you fool you got Snaped you're not...

There's a difference between you and me, Willy! I fought 'till I was actually free, Willy! I got my face on a quarter. You got drawn and quartered. Tortured on the orders of a king, really? How'd you get beat by a dude named Longshanks? You hot dog...

Ghostbusters: Are you tired of two geeks in mustaches, Who can manage to be boring with explosions and crashes? If you, or the Lorax, wanna bust like we do, Give us a call, we're ready to defeat you! Ghostbusters, flow crushers, get the job done, Spitti...

Superman: Who can stop this constipated jock, With the awful animation and the complicated plot? Who's got the rap bombs to drop on Japan? This looks like a job for the OG, Jimmy Olsen: Superman! Superman: I'm killing it, you're Krillin it, I'm vi...

Gordon Ramsay: And that's how you make a perfect risotto. Right. Mrs. Child, welcome to the grown-ups' table. I've got exactly two minutes, and you should be grateful 'Cause I'm in the fucking weeds with all these shows to pitch! I keep my ovens preheated...

Adolf Hitler: Who are you? Darth Vader: Someone who loathes you, bitch, now stand up and rhyme I only thawed you out so I could beat your ass a second time Roar like Chewbacca, the voice of Mufasa I'm on the leader of your limp dicked Luftwaffe I strik...

Adolf Hitler: Vader… This is your last chance… Battle me… or die… EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY! DARTH VADER! VERSUS! ADOLF HITLER! BEGIN! Adolf Hitler: Screw you, you big black cunt! I'll kick your balls and your face! A war on two fronts! The Führe...

Brace yourself! Gather up your trolls and your soldier Elves! And your Ents and your Orcs and your Wargs and your Stings Your Dwarves and Glamdrings Cause there's a new literary lord in the ring! My readers fall in love with every character I've written...

[Jack the Ripper] Oi mate, pass the liquor, it's Jack the Ripper Jack the Rapper, following you way before the dawn of Twitter I'm a human trigger warning, through the night until the morning When the light shines upon my crimes, you find it sick, appallin...

[James Bond (Craig)]: I’ve beefed with Le Chiffre and No and Blofeld with the cheek scar But they were not as crooked and rotten as your teeth are I’ll go balls to the Walther on this whack twat in an ascot Blast shots atcha like gas from the back slot of...

[Stan Lee] Greetings heroes, Stan Lee's here to battle It's the mind behind The Hulk against the geek beneath the Fraggles I'm just your friendly neighborhood writer man with a secret identity of a super MC Whose raps are as dark as my shades, leave you sq...

John Lennon: Help, you're making my ears bleed you need a muzzle Why are you pissed off all the time? Didn't your mom give you a cuddle? You're the type of guy who could die of a heart attack just in the shower You need to chill out for a minute and smoke...

Justin Bieber: Look what the cat dragged back from the dead Man it looks like Chewbacca wiped his ass on your head I’m the next the next Michael Jackson, You smell like Betty White, here’s some aspirin, you’re catching Bieber fever tonight Because my voice is...

Kim Jong-il: The name’s Kim Jong, I got a license to IL Make you swallow my rhymes like a steroids pill Your body looks like a spray tan banana With a walrus mustache and a wack bandana I’m coming at you like the Asian Rick Flair b***h, I’ll suplexx you by you...

[Nicepeter as Lance Armstrong] Before I let loose with this ruthless aggression, I'll let you be the second fat women hearing my confession. I admit it, I did what I had to do to win! I'm an athlete, you're a specimen of sin! With your drinking and smoking an...

[Lewis and Clark] You can't be starting with Lewis and Clark Cause we cut a path through emcees like a walk in the park And give 'em back a whole stack of maps and accurate charts Showing exactly where our footprints on their buttocks are marked. We're tw...

Wright Brothers: We're the Wright brothers and there can't be no other We don't wanna cause trouble, are you looking for your lover 'Cause your princess is in our castle now (Yeah, she's gone) We stayed up all night playing Donkey Kong Before us, people o...

Gandhi: You Want To Battle Wits, See Who’s A Better Pacifist I Fought The Caste System, But You Still Can Not Touch This! Slumdog Skillionare, First Name Messiah Raps So Hot, I Spit Yoga Fire! Everything You Preach I Said It First You Should Jot Down The...

Leonidas: Spartans! Let's start this! Show this petty officer who's the hardest! The biggest mistake that you've ever made I'll toss you like a frag grenade I'll stomp you in the face with my sandals enrage And tonight we shall rhyme in a shade! Your pu...

Michael Jackson: Oooh, Elvis Presley, as I live and breath You stole rock and roll, gave us rockabilly cheese You dance like an epileptic, nothing but left feet I've seen it, every recors you set, man I beat it Here's a tip, don't swallow a bucket of drug...

Michael Jordan: Why don't you dodge this battle like you did Vietnam? Cause you've got as much chance of beating me as Lebron I'm a flying machine, like the world has never seen! You can fight one man? I can drive through a whole team! I choke a dope with his...

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY! JOAN OF ARC vs. MILEY CYRUS! BEGIN! [MILEY]: Let me guess: you're here to hate? well, you can stand in the autograph line and wait Cuz I'm all twerk I got all day to spit harsh words in this French maid's face You died...

Mitt Romney: I'm not gonna let this battle be dictated by facts. I'm rich. I've got fat stacks and super PACs. We all know what went down in that 2008 election. You're a decent politician with a winning complexion. You're all Barack and no bite. Been no c...

Skrillex: My name is Skrillex, man! Welcome to the Devil's Den. I'm a scary monster stomping this sprite in frilly pants You're a weirdo, Wolfy, you're into powdered wigs & poop! And your cousin blew notes on your little Magic Flute Your daddy issues...

Mr T: I pity the fool who tries to step to Clubber Lang Call me BA biceps, 'cause I'll crush your whole gang Being Tuesday, Friday and little trolly the train And watch me dip their ass in gold and wear'em like my neck chain, sucka I'll choke you with you...

Napoleon Dynamite: Gosh, I can’t believe how much of a little b***h you are. When it comes to world leaders, you like literally lowered the bar. I’ll rip your bones apart, Bonaparte. Turn your horse into glue. Welcome to the battle of Waterloo, part two. I got...

EpicLLOYD: This is one vid kid that you won't ever survive I'll beat you, dislike you, then unsubscribe You'll be good at rapping someday, I promise bro But for now just stick to editing that gay ass Monday Show I'll slaughter your water color unicorns, e...

Thomas Edison: Step up. You'll be shocked when I spit and start static I'll rip your style and add it to my long list of patents While you were busy digging ditches and burning bridges I'm pumping out inventions stacking riches, so go back to your pigeons....

[Ellen DeGeneres] Hey God, it's me, Ellen, can I ask you a question? How do I tell my friend Oprah she's gonna get more whipped than Stedman? I'll make her head spin, when it comes to rhymes I got a penchant! So battling me is your intention, I better ment...

Rasputin: Cool mustache, Wario, Try messing with the Mad Monk you'll be sorry, yo How many dictators does it take, To turn an empire into a union of ruinous states? It's a disgrace what you did to your own people. Your daddy beat you like a dog and now y...

Rick Grimes Carl, stay back, this is gonna get bad, I'm about show this lab rat how to be a real dad, A grade-A MC who will ruin your A1 Day, 'Cause Sheriff Grimes rhymes dirty like my armpit stains, I'm a post-apocalyptic cop who's got a lot of issu...

Bonnie and Clyde: I'll handle this darling, I'm known to fire off some BAR's Cause if these lovers cross me they're gonna end up seeing stars I mean I'll let you go first but damn sure I'm gettin' licks in On this hissy fittin' rich kid and this prepubesce...

Santa Claus: Sweet robes, Obi Wan too many days in the sun, Stop preachin' homie, teach your flock to covet some fun! I bring joy every year, man I represent cheer, You represent sandals and a scraggly beard. I'm from the North Pole, that's why my rhymes...

Sarah Palin: Oh boy look what we have here a transvestite with a keyboard trying to be freak of the year. Your voice sounds like a rooster having sex with a frog they put a lot of lipstick on you but you still look like a dog. Put down that teacup honey g...

[Shaka Zulu] Iwisa, meet Caesar, he's a commander Who thinks he can dance with Conan of the Savannah But when I go hand to hand with you, I go hammer Knock off his dome, wrap it up in his own banner Send it back to Rome with a message from the Zulu If yo...

Sir Isaac Newton Of all the scientific minds in history they put Beaker in a bow tie up against me ? I'm a master I discovered gravity I drop rhymes like they're falling from an apple tree you're no match for me you got a bach degree I got a unity of...

Edgar Allan Poe: Once upon a midnight dreary, as I spit this weak and weary, I will choke this joker with a trochee till his cheeks are teary But y'all don't hear me, all should fear me I'll forever be better, you'll never be near me, Your books are as...

Steve Jobs: Let me just step right in, I got things to invent I'm an innovator baby, change the world Fortune 500 'fore you kissed a girl I'm a pimp, you're a nerd I'm slick, you're cheesy Beating you is Apple II easy I make the product that the artist...

STEVEN SPIELBERG: Picture a child sitting next to a projector Learning from your films to become a much better director Now picture a 3 billion dollar dream machine Who can block bust all over your crop duster scene Try to Duel with me Alfred you must be...

[RoboCop] Freeze I suggest you use your right to remain silent Before I show your Gobot ass some Detroit violence I'm like an X-Wing commander cause I stay on target I take over these streets like I'm a farmers market I wonder where the Cyberdyne researc...

[Zeus] How dare you challenge my immortal throne? I'm the father of the gods, put your daddy on the phone Maybe Odin could beg me for a truce, cause when Zeus lets loose I'll put your cross-dressing neck in a noose I'm like Medusa, I'll stone a motherfuck...