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All my bags were packed in the overhead bin

The guy beside me flashes a grin

We’re buckled up now, we’re all set to go

Then suddenly as we take off

That guy, he starts to shake and cough

It worried me, ‘cause he was in my row


So don’t kiss me or smile at me

I wish you were a mile from me

Could we stow you in the hold below?

He brought TB on a jet plane

And it’s a drug-resistant strain

Your infectious grin has got to go


Your new daddy works for the CDC

And he said, “It’s ok with me

Don’t worry now, go have your wedding day”

But nobody dreamed the gift you brung

Was brought on board inside your lung

And TSA took my Purell away


So they'll frisk me and x-ray me

And then they’ll need a biopsy

The next time that I take a plane I’ll know

That it’s safer to sit next to

A bearded guy who likes his shoe

But run if it’s his nose, he starts to blow 

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