Rhett & Link

[Intro: Rhett and Link] We've gone east, west, north and south But now this country needs to go down [Verse 1: Rhett, Link, and Both] We got a high callin' for adventure And high dollar hiking boots Bringing highly refined culture With knives that stab...

Link: First off I wanna tell ya I enjoyed the pizza Well it really wasn't great, but it allowed me to meet-cha I'd like your number But I'm not gonna leave a big tip to get it Rhett: That means he's cheap and pathetic and if ya date him you'll regret it...

[Nerd] Yes, I am a nerd Bookworm, I’m studious From my cerebral cortex to my gluteus Back in Kindergarten I aced my college entrance exam Now, I’m no rocket scientist – Oh wait, I am When I pour my Alpha-bits I get nothing but straight A’s My retaine...

[Rhett] I was born with hair on my chest A gleam in my eye to latch onto a breast I cut my own umbilical cord with my razor-sharp teeth Then I drove home and my mom rode on in the back seat I didn't go through puberty, puberty went through me And it was...

I'm tied down, I'm locked up I don't make independent decisions but my wife says that I don't miss it My old friends, they don't call In fact this weekend they're riding ski-doos while I'm taking my kids to three zoos But the third zoo isn't exactly a zoo...

Here we have a man Who's chosen to Instagram His apple pie, a la mode. While he fumbles through the filters His ice cream has gotten "a la hot" And the pie "a la cold." As you can see This street performer's drawn a crowd To watch him do his thing. Bu...

I - am a thoughtful guy. I think about alotta things. I - am a thoughtful guy. I think alotta thoughts; about alotta things. I think about space and the vastness of it. I think about cake and how much I love it. I think about if Wal Mart is good or evil...

[Verse 1: Rhett & Link] I like chocolate so dark, it's almost evil to eat I like cheese so sharp, it'll make your mouth bleed Sophisticated food is what I'm all about I don't mind it if a fish decides to lay its eggs in my mouth 30% cacao is the limit...

[Verse: Rhett & Link] I like being a person instead of being a star I like my human head and my alarm clock heart I like happy endings, I like having a friend It's gonna be awkward if this doctor has a wife and kids [Chorus: Rhett & Link] I like...

[Rhett & Link talking] Hey Whatcha doing? Driving, whatcha doing? Driving and texting.. Hmmm. Are you sure you should be doing that? [Link] Yes, because. I'm a textpert An expert at texting Rejecting the notion that you think I'll be wrecking D...

Everything's okay 'Cause I'm on vacation We spent 14 hours on that sandcastle! Everything is great 'Cause I'm on vacation At least we're not back at our jobs Which is at an ice cream sandwich factory We need it We want it Vacation We on it Surf, be...

I can't believe we lived to be this old And somehow we've never seen this hole A little dip with a little bit of lint inside it Underneath this cotton tee you've been hiding It's time that we unwrapped this gift Let's bring back the male midriff It's my...

Last week I saw you in the lobby passin, through You said, "Hey, how ya doin?" I said, "Pretty good man and you?" Well, that wasn't true I was actually doin' pretty bad Havin' just recived some unfortunate news from my dad He had invested my inheritence...

Now this is a tale that will explain How our lives completely and suddenly changed Just take a seat and don't disembark We'll tell you how we became the kings of a trailer park We were born and reared in the Hamptons We spent a lotta time golfin' and gla...

That picture frame Those hoodie strings (They are driving me insane) Unequal pizza slices Fonts of different sizes (It's more than I can take) Missing parentheses Uneven capris Googling "askew" Bags opened the wrong end Should be recognized as a sin,...

[Chorus: Link] Naked No oh oh, I can't take it No oh you-ou-ou'll never Ever see-e-e-e me naked [Verse 1: Link] When I was a baby I born unclothed I cried, cried, cried, 'cause my wee-wee was exposed (wah!) When I take a shower, I wear bathing suits...

[Verse 1: Both] There's a latte and of course a cappuccino An americano and a mocha frappuccino Let us not forgetto the caffè macchiato And I would be remiss to miss the creamy affogato Cup of cortado we sipping at the chino Follow it up with some sweet...

911 what's your emergency? I nailed my finger to a birdhouse accidentally Do your have some bacon (bacon?) Bacon, That's right I have bacon left over from dinner last night Rub some bacon on it what? On your hand just do it Rub some bacon on it That's...

Your parents told you that we don't exist. Well, how in the world do you explain this. We're gonna eat you like we ate your neighbor Nathan. He tasted like waffles, gummy bears, and turkey bacon. We'll forge a letter in your handwriting to say, You hate y...

I'm not afraid of the dark I'm afraid of what's in the dark That I cannot see Because it's so dang dark, so dang dark, so dang dark, so dang dark, so dang dark There might be a ghost in the dark That's pretty unlikely But there definitely could be a s...

Hey girl You know we've been dating for a long time now Going on five whole weeks Now that's commitment, baby So we've prepared this very special song For the very special ladies in our lives Listen up It was magic on our first date At the food court...

It’s not you; it’s me. And me don’t like you. It’s not you; it’s I. And I’m breaking up with you. You swore up and down the wall Twilight’s the best trilogy of all Somehow you got me to agree To dress up like Edward for Halloween. But now that I’m com...

[Verse 1: Rhett and Link] Can you taste it? That's not enough you've got to place it Is that an onion or a leek? Wake the pink snake, sleeping in your mouth cave It's flavor that it seeks Let your taste bud blossom like an orchid And penetrate a pastry...

Paper Or plastic Presents itself as a decision with an obvious answer You pick paper 'cause the plastic will end up in the ocean Giving a whale cancer But did you know that The paper in this bag is made from the prickly peckerwood tree Which happens to...

My daddy can bench press 400 pounds.800 if he uses both arms. My daddy can make a delicious pizza using nothing but found items from your backyard My daddy ran a marathon in under 2 hours... on his hands. My daddy was the lead singer of 90% of all popular...

Yo mama's so cuddly that puppies watch Youtube videos of her. Yo mama's so bold she's featured on the toolbar of Microsoft Word. Yo mama's so wise, Yoda often texts her for advice. Yo mama's so nice, I gotta say it twice. ...She's NICE (nice). Yo mama's...