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A Complete History of the Soviet Union As Told By A Humble Worker, Arranged To The Melody Of Tetris

To Moscow I came seeking fortune But they’re making me work til I’m dead The bourgeoisie have it so easy The Tsar’s putting gold on his bread The people of Moscow are hungry But think what a feast there could be If we could create a socialist state That...

Busking

We like to busk on the underground We stand in a corner right here But the licensing men in some office They come and they just interfere They’re censoring all of our lyrics It’s such a remarkable thing They give us some new words each morning And here’s what...

Churchill's Favourite Song

Didn’t we have more gravy in the thirtes Then Mister Hitler took it all away He’s a rotten sort, but then we had a thought Let’s all dress up as army men and take our gravy back again I’d been taking kippers up to Maisie When Auntie Beeb announced we’re...

Climate Change Denier

No he don’t have time for no scientists He says they don’t agree Likes to spend his time on the internet Shows him what he wants to see He will take you out in his Jaguar He’s a BA frequent flyer He’s a middle-class, middle-brow, middle-weight, middle-aged Cli...

Hitler's Favourite Song (Please Don't Tread On My Cheeseburger)

I had a little cheeseburger, he was my only friend. I took him to the picture house and loved him til the end. I had a Venus flytrap on my windowsill And he ate all the flies that came in my room. Please don’t tread on my cheeseburger, He’s my only frien...

Howard Hughes Blues

Well it started quite innocently when I was young And obsessed with the physics of aeroplane wings And among other things, with the sizes of peas Which my special fork sorts with the greatest of ease I was raised by rich parents, I tell you they daren’t Permi...

My Darling

My darling, believe me, my love for you is true If you were to leave me, I know not what I’d do And so tonight I thought I might let all my feelings show And I will take you to the most romantic place I know Come with me to the cockfight my dear, come see the...

Pie

Pie, pie, oh me oh my Always once bitten but never twice shy Pie, pie, don’t ask me why It’s pie, pie, pie Pie, pie, pie in the sky Crusts crowd the clusters of clouds rolling by Pie, pie, flying so high It’s pie, pie, pie, pie, pie. 

The Lonely Shepherd

There’s a girl in the village called Sally And her beauty is truly divine But Sally, alas, has a husband So Sally will never be mine. But one night when her husband was sleeping She invited me out for some fun I still dream of that one night with Sally:...

The Midwife

Babies! Lovely babies! A new born child is a miracle And all the other midwives will agree It’s the most amazing sight you’ll ever see And though they come out bloody And they all have funny hair, Let me tell you buddy Why you’ll find me there: I want to eat...

The Unfortunate End of Miguel the Matador

Miguel the matador’s prowess was second to none With a cape and a sword, so adored in the afternoon sun Year upon year they would cheer for the star of the ring But it meant not a thing He felt no excitement, a searing indictment On quite how dull it was...