Macc Lads

Staggered in MacDonalds on a Friday afternoon, All the pubs were shut, There were knob all else fer do. I said, "Gissus a Big Mac now you spotty little twat." He said, "Have a nice day sir, would you like a paper hat?" I said, "Have a nice day bollocks,...

F**king right. Bank holiday Monday, By Sunday I was.... So let's f**k off to Alton Towers. One or two, quite a few in the queue for the bumper cars. Fit crack on the lake but her mate's got a flabby arse. So let's hit the bars.... Where's the f**king pu...

He squidges in the van, All twenty four stones, He gets three kebabs and he eats them on his own, Quick trouser cough Nevis touches cloth, F**k f**k hide behind a truck, all the windows are steaming up. Gas gas quick lads, The air in here is turning brow...

One day after closing I was lying on me nest,When Stez shouts "get yer bags on, come on outside."So I grabbed me stripy tank-top, I 'ad beer stains on me vest,An' I said "best get some cans in, it's a long ride."Well, we drove along the M6, chuckin' cans at ot...

Yaaaaaaaaaw! Dick Head was a pratt, he drove a Skoda with extra lamps on, Always dickin' prattin', Looked like a reuseable tampon. Tried to chat the birds up, He'd always end up bleedin', It's tough when you come from Bollington, It's all the interbreed...

Well you ain't been goin' down the pub, You ain't been playing darts, You ain't been doin' what you should, You've been hangin' out with yer tart. You've got fer get some Boddies down thee, You know where it's at, You've got to get some ale inside thee,...

Get at 'em. There was a load bloody faries, In Buenos bloody Aries, With greasy hair and sweaty bums, They'd never heard of Bonningtons, It were a different culture and a different race, No chippies in bloody place. You can keep that poof Fartiles, 'Co...

I walked into the Nag's Head for to sustinate me belly, There was a fit crack in the corner but I knew her cunt was smelly, She smelt of rotting fish heads and old and crispy sick, Said her name was Charlotte and she wanted suck me dick. Oh, I thought now...

We all went down New Delih, We had too much curry and aching bellies. Peter got gut rot and puked on the floor, Stez Styx banging on shithouse door. I says, come on lads and finish your Bombay duck, We're going to find some girls who'll give us a decent A...

A ya ya ya ya ya yaaar... No petrol in the van, Knee deep in empty cans, We've lost the map, the tyre's flat, the bloody kid's been banned, We stopped off for some grease, Nevis is obese, We left him standing empty handed, Ten miles outside Leeds. Oh no...

I've got an ugly face, With spots all over the place, I haven't got any mates, And me clothes have gone out of date. I go to the pub on me own, And I drink me orange alone, I sit and stare at the crack, But they just turn their backs. I want to chat th...

Well, I spent last night trying to chuck me bird, She were clinging to me leg like an old sick turd, I said your tits are too small and your legs are too short, I want a fit bird from the Sunday Sport, I can't hear me records when you sit on me face, And...

New face in the pub on a Friday night. "You alright?" I asked where she worked, she said, "Iawok dahn sayan" She were feeling "kanna closhy" She were of t'"Neddie" I think she must have meant the bog. Do you want a drink love? She says "Aye rhebob, Hey...

Get weavin'. Well the fair comes down just once every year, The Macc Lads go there when they've supped their beer, So get weavin', With the Brut 33, And forget your tea, We're going down town to get some chips and pies, And I'll bet you ten pints I'll g...

Ah so. The ducks are sitting and I making my list now, Macc Lads stagger in and their all f**king pissed, The f**king drunk bastards can't take their beer, Free gravy tonight, I've got bad diarrhoea. Sea food special with extra crab, Two pancake with a p...

Well I want to sing a song about Lady Muck yoooh, Well, it weren't her real name, but it rhymed with f**k. An' I'm gonna nacc me voice doin' this for too long, Come on Fast Fret, let's get on with the song. She was sitting at a table shouting "Waiter where...

Well, in this life there's a couple of certs, One is death and the other's a nurse, Well Lucy's old and they say she's passed it, But I gave her one and her tits were that big, And they said bollocks and they're made of plastic, And that I never touched h...

She was the perfect woman, She was my kind of a bird, 'Cos she stayed in the kitchen and she never said a word. She had real big tits and a lovely slappable arse, But now she's into barbeques and wine bars. Oh, I used to go out with her 'cos she cooked me...

I've been going t'same pub fer twenty year, It were half a crown then fer buy me beer, But they closed it down fer redecorate, They said we'll knock a wall down, Change bar round, Paint door brown, It's going to look great. When I walked into it I could...

Well the weekend is coming and it's time for a bath, We're going to sup some Boddies and we'll have a good laugh, So leave the dog at home or it'll want some drinks. Go to Dag's, get some fags, pull a couple of slags. Give the dog a bone and leave it chain...

Get stuffed you arse bandit. One of me best mates, He come from Macc, And we used to go out pulling crack, Now we know it were just a farce, 'Cos he's got spunk dribbling out of his arse. He's got scabs from stalking other men, We're never going to talk...

Come on lads and lasses will you finish up your glasses, Let's go home. Now you know the regulations I don't want an explanation, Time to go. F**k off you twat, we want to stoppy back, stoppy back. F**k off you twat, we want to stoppy back, stoppy back....

Well, she wore big knickers, And she worked on t' sewage farm, I got me 'and down 'er jeans an' I nearly lost half me arm. But after ten pints, Looked quite fit, Couldn't wait to get me hands On her flabby tits. Sweatty Betty, Sweatty Betty, So I said...

Pint after pint after pint after pint we sup, Crack after crack after crack after crack we f**k, There's a pink giving me the wink, And she'll make me finger stink, I think it's all this beer they make me drink. Tab after tab after tab after tab we smoke,...

Ten pints of Boddies and a barley wine, We've got to make the Bear's Head before closing time. We're the Macc Lads, we were born in a pub, We like us ale and we like us grub, We're the Macc Lads and we ain't f**kin' puffs. We're the Lads from Macc, We wa...

Where's the f**king party? Someone's in the kitchen eating pies and mucky tarts, Bammy's in the bathroom and he's lighting up his farts. Now Peter's supping bitter, he's getting really canned, He locks himself in the bog and he's shagging Baggy Anne. The...

Sup up, lad, I've spilt more ale down me waistcoat Than you've supped tonight. Bonnington's or Willy's lads? Willy's tastes like piss. I've got ten pints down me neck the night, He's blown some froth off his. Now I've got to leave room for me chips, So...

Just take a look over there, Is that one fit with the long dark hair? Well she's got to be a mucky tart, Her mate looks like a madman's horse. Can I have the fit one? Oh, don't be boring, Me knob's gone deaf, it's one foot long, I've had it up since Mond...