Hank Green

Yes it's true that I once went through life As a guy who always had to rhyme life with strife Yes, I've been burned and I've been spurned And through it all, yes, I have learned That love is not about whether you get stabbed But how slow the knife gets tu...

I'm gettin kinda tired of this prepublication media blitz they've got all of muggle kind under their spell don't they know the whole world's already gone and reserved a copy from amazon how many more books could you sell? Just give me that book or go to...

This song is for a girl no wait I changed my mind this song, is for a human adult female Is it just me or is it creepy how when we refer to a person romantically We often use words relating to children And it's not just girl and it's not just baby i...

Bring her to me, my amber lamps Bring her to me, oh my amber lamps If you think she would give me a chance, Bring her to me, my amber lamps Oh long ago on a metrotrain I got into a fight with an epic beard man And now I'm bleeding all on my pants Brin...

Baby close your eyes and hear the words I say Oh, I realize That you're in a lot of pain and I apologize I never wanted it this way, Oh, please...don't cry Don't cry Baby I sold your dog on EBay We both knew that we had bills to pay It was either h...

Oh it seems so exciting, I can talk to anyone I just begin the game and launch into the fun But 15 perverts later, I still haven't had a chance to talk to anyone but that giant guy in woman's underpants It's the kind of instant judgement that I fear in t...

I know I'm not the only one Who wants to know more about Harry's sons I really do think there's an unwritten story And I think it's time to put fingers to keys A lot of people, I know, want to know more About Grindlewald and Dumbledore I really do think...

They were at each other's throats before they were weaned And for years, these girls, they plotted and schemed Always working for each other's destruction Seeing each other as nothing more than an obstruction Learning martial arts to kick Brigid's face in...

My first name is Hank, and my last name is Green You're the second coolest vlogbrother the net has ever seen And my first name's Dan, my last one is Brown It's nice to have some time to hang in my home town And discover we were both into Magic the Gatherin...

Oh Butte, Butte, Butte Montana Home of the Berkeley Pit The butte hole of America It's filled with lead and arsenic All the streets are named for metals And the head frames are the best They stand over the city The Eiffel Towers of the west Oh Butte,...

There's a place where you don't wanna be Where people die constantly And they never die in normal ways It's preposterous but still cliché When your drug dealer's aunt kills your mom in a duel By chopping off her head with a scythe in a pool Well they're...

DFTBA, DFTBA... Don't forget that brains attract Darling fetch the battle axe Decepticons fear this brilliant Autobot Do fish take baths a lot? Dogs frequently take back apologies Dreadful feudal treachery breeds atrocities Darkened forests take braver...

People always say that it hurts to be in love And there's nothing we can do but pray to God above I've heard a lot of stories that all end sad But nothing I've heard sounds quite this bad It's hard enough when love is unrequited But what do you do when he...

Yeah, we gotta out tickets ready, Are you ready to go? Pay two bucks extra to be in the front row, Yeah, we gotta out tickets ready, Are you ready to go? Pay two bucks extra to be in the front row, So grab your deep-fried cheeses, and you deep-fried meat...

Edward and Edwina Spoonhands Have a pretty hard time of it They can hardly eat cereal And they can only type about three words a minute But they both agree It's not as bad as it could be So they clack their big ol' fingers And they sing a little song f...

I just made a discovery that may change my life While I was clicking through this new-fangled facebook site It's a place where I can live the life I've always dreamed without really ever doing anything which is good because I don't like doing things Now m...

In 1950, at Los Alamos, a scientist was talking with his friends And the conversation had them all fully engrossed About this universe that almost has no end And as they were all about to return to their study Enrico suddenly shouted "Where is everybody?"...

The first time I saw you was the day that I hit puberty, Played a beautiful girl, shunned by society, It wasn’t your fault, you just smoked one laced dubie, That after-school special made me want to never do PCP. Oh, Helen Hunt, Helen Hunt, You make my h...

Helena Montana (Helena Montana) Helena Montana (Helena Montana) Gold and cows and chopping trees These are the industries Of Helena Montana They serve your eggs with butter And there were Peeps in the gutter Oh Helena Montana (Helena Montana) We pla...

I'd like to do some calculations in the hopes that I'll come to some realizations My mind is not what it used to be that certainly isn't news to me But I want to know how my life was spent now that I know that I'm near the end So I add subtract multiply...

I don't think you know what you think you know, baby, But baby don't you think that I know what I know maybe. Baby, I know what you think that I don't know I know, I know, I know, I know, I know I know, I know, I know, I know, I know I know that you don...

Oh hello evil lady at the grocery store It seems that you don't know what the express lane is for It says twelve items or less But you're exempt from that I guess You started up an argument about coupons Oh don't make me kill you over 25 cents I'll give...

The hidden moon is rising over Forks, Washington And suddenly you shy away from my body's warmth My muscles are hard as I can make 'em But that's not enough for you You want me to be cold and hard Like a moving marble statue The only thing that you thin...

My eyes snap open, it's two o'clock I rip off my shirt, my pants, my socks Something's wrong but I don't know what But then, I start to realize There's sweat trickling down my thighs And a fire between the mattress and my butt It's too hot It's too ho...

Oh boys and girls it's that time of year again it's time to show off all our generosity to our friends We've been waiting for three hundred sixty four Days in which we've been real good and done all of our chores But I think that it's important that we...

I hope you're somewhere warm and white, like the flowers in your car That you've escaped this labyrinth of suffering wherever you are I've got a piece of you tucked away deep inside my mind Memories of your poetry and drinking your cheap wine Thomas Ediso...

I've come across a lot of ten dollar bills in my time In swimming pools and taxi seats, in ATMs and on the beach Finding free money is something I can do But when I think about my luck I only think of you Yeah, sure, when I go downtown I find a perfect pa...

We've been together for a while, girl quite a while And I think by now I know how to make you smile Oh you love evolution neurobiology Elegant adaptations are so sexy But I want to teach you the realities of birds and bees We all know about giraffes, girl...

The mink lost her furry scarf, she said it was stole The shoe salesman wanted to help, 'cause he had so much sole But then his whole left side fell off, but he's all right now The pregnant heifer saw it happen, yeah, she had a cow The CO2 delivery guy alwa...

I didn't think it was for real or it could be such a big deal that this hunk of silicon could save my life but now I've seen what it can do and all that we've been through I wrote this song all about why It can do anything it can even help me sing An...

I wake up in my racecar bed tame the puff that's on my head my feet are cold as they hit the floor I don't think I'm home anymore John shouts, "Hank, I don't mean to scare ya, but I think we woke up in Nerdfighteria. Settle down now, clear the area, Th...

I'd seen your videos and I think they're so jokes And now we're getting flirty with a couple Facebook pokes I confess that I've adapted to your timezone At least now I don't have to watch Youtube alone Oh even though tonight I've got A date with my books...

One Obama Two Obama Tree Obama Four Obama Hot Obama Vote Barack Obama Wish him luck Hang with Ludacris Obama Jewish yarmulke Obama He'll be our next president Obama llama duck We're tired of our president Everyone hates him He put us in sour fru...

Oh JK Rowling, what are you doin' with your time? Givin' all your money to charity And I guess that sounds just fine but I'm Wonderin' if you got just a couple more jots Maybe you could I dunno crack a laptop Do it as a favor to me Do it for the kids, do...

I made a video About ten months ago I though that I would show You something beautiful I showed a picture With an intimate nature But I didn't realize Till a hundred thousand views later That I don't know where we'd be Where would the vlogbrothers b...

Oh, Phineas Gage was 25 years old in 1848. And he liked his job, working at the railroad, but he had another fate. He was blasting rock when something distracted him. And he forgot to put the tamping sand in. He shoved the tamping rod into that little hole...

Protons and neutrons, The electron cloud scattered around, Atoms packed and lattices stacked Among billions and trillions of their kind, And around trillions more they wind, And we see that they are formed into this thing, That I and those before me call...

Throughout history, killers found a way To gather enough power to put millions in their graves Henry just focused on his wives While Hitler's war took 70 million lives But I've got to wonder if those guys were worse Than Queen Ranavalona the First Oh...

There's a lot of ways to die, Under Ireland's sky, But the worst way by far might be a bit of a surprise, I'd rather be knifed in bar, Or hit by a car, Than to meet my end lookin' in to her eyes, And hear the cries Of my demise My last goodbyes! Well...

You want us to think that you're just messin' around, yeah You play your life like it's a game of two hand touch You think if you screw up that you will never live it down And it won't matter if you suck if you don't take it serious But the time I really...

A quark is a fundamental constituent of matter Observed in 1968 through deep elastic scatter. We found that protons aren't as simple as we thought. We thought they were solid particles but they are not. Protons in fact are made up of three separate pieces...

Every Father's Day I hear the same old story, But if fathers are so great, why don't they get any glory? You hear about their sons and the great things they've done, But the fathers of great men are quickly forgotten Rockefeller created gas stations, Was...

I'm sitting in the minivan, it's about one a.m. I can't believe I'm hanging out with Margo Roth Spiegelman She hands me a grocery list, and I say "What is this?" She gives me a hundred dollars and says that should cover it Three whole catfish wrapped sepa...

There've been a lot of bad guys In a lot of good video games Bowser, and your opponent in Pong, The Pacman ghosts, and Donkey Kong But one bad guy, he stands alone, He will never tire, He sits there on his blocky throne, He'll be there till you die Y...

This is a song for all the vegetables that look like penises This is a song for all the vegetables that look like penises Cucumber, zucchini, squash, and sometimes even radishes We know it's not what you wanted from life, it's not what you were after You w...

Hank do you remember when all of Georgia fled that flood that left thousands homeless and seven dead But while those people drowned and their houses went adrift The news was about Kanye West....and Taylor Swift Indeed Rhett & Link, I see the news med...

Something just occured to me as I was reading another book I'd heard was the next big thing I thought what would I give, if it could be true If I could ever feel again the way I felt when I read you I'd pay a million galeons Or Dress up like I go to beaux...

I hate this place, I can barely keep the misery off my face Yeah there's one place I'd much rather be Taking transfiguration and arithmancy And hangig' with my friends in the owlery But instead I'm learning parts of speech And tryin' not to fall asleep...

I have a complicated relationship with the distal portion Of my large intestine, also known as the colon I started feeling kinda shitty when I turned 23 I have a complicated relationship with the distal portion Of my large intestine, also known as the colo...

Stardate 42695.3 was a pretty big day for me I was given my first command But it turned out to be more difficult then I'd planned So I went to Riker and said "What if I fail? What if I freeze up with a Borg on our tail? What if the choice I make is wrong...

Well my brother got this new dog, and you really can't ignore How cute he gets when he hears a sound he's never heard before First he looks confused and then a little wary Then he knocks his head to the side like it's Night at the Roxbury Well John got...