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Strange Charm

A quark is a fundamental constituent of matter Observed in 1968 through deep elastic scatter. We found that protons aren't as simple as we thought. We thought they were solid particles but they are not. Protons in fact are made up of three separate pieces...

The Fathers of the Founding Fathers

Every Father's Day I hear the same old story, But if fathers are so great, why don't they get any glory? You hear about their sons and the great things they've done, But the fathers of great men are quickly forgotten Rockefeller created gas stations, Was...

The List

I'm sitting in the minivan, it's about one a.m. I can't believe I'm hanging out with Margo Roth Spiegelman She hands me a grocery list, and I say "What is this?" She gives me a hundred dollars and says that should cover it Three whole catfish wrapped sepa...

The Man Who Throws The Tetris Piece

There've been a lot of bad guys In a lot of good video games Bowser, and your opponent in Pong, The Pacman ghosts, and Donkey Kong But one bad guy, he stands alone, He will never tire, He sits there on his blocky throne, He'll be there till you die Y...

The Vegetables

This is a song for all the vegetables that look like penises This is a song for all the vegetables that look like penises Cucumber, zucchini, squash, and sometimes even radishes We know it's not what you wanted from life, it's not what you were after You w...

The Worst News of 2009

Hank do you remember when all of Georgia fled that flood that left thousands homeless and seven dead But while those people drowned and their houses went adrift The news was about Kanye West....and Taylor Swift Indeed Rhett & Link, I see the news med...

This is not Harry Potter

Something just occured to me as I was reading another book I'd heard was the next big thing I thought what would I give, if it could be true If I could ever feel again the way I felt when I read you I'd pay a million galeons Or Dress up like I go to beaux...

This Isn't Hogwarts

I hate this place, I can barely keep the misery off my face Yeah there's one place I'd much rather be Taking transfiguration and arithmancy And hangig' with my friends in the owlery But instead I'm learning parts of speech And tryin' not to fall asleep...

Ulcerative Colitis

I have a complicated relationship with the distal portion Of my large intestine, also known as the colon I started feeling kinda shitty when I turned 23 I have a complicated relationship with the distal portion Of my large intestine, also known as the colo...

What Would Captain Picard Do?

Stardate 42695.3 was a pretty big day for me I was given my first command But it turned out to be more difficult then I'd planned So I went to Riker and said "What if I fail? What if I freeze up with a Borg on our tail? What if the choice I make is wrong...

Willy's Song

Well my brother got this new dog, and you really can't ignore How cute he gets when he hears a sound he's never heard before First he looks confused and then a little wary Then he knocks his head to the side like it's Night at the Roxbury Well John got...