Stephen Lynch

I call you from my car to say I'll be there in awhile A short plane ride and I will get to see your pretty smile. There's nothing on the radio; I'd fiddled with the dial Then I see a sign: the airport's just another mile I check my bags and think about how...

I lie next to her in the bed She's the kind of girl I'd like to wed Nevermind the fact that she's dead It turns me on It turns me on Sure, she's a little cold to the touch But that doesn't bother me much Because the embalmer did such A lovely job A lovely job...

(intro)-I wanted to write a song about the three loves of my life that have slipped away some how...but, i could only come up with two I was in love with an albino Her lack of pigment seemed like fun Her skin, the whitest alabaster Her eyes as pink, as pink a...

This is for my little girl My lady gives birth today I run to her room right away She smiles with glee, and hands her to me I look at my newborn and say Damn that's an ugly baby Damn that's an ugly ass baby I'm feeling quite concerned My semen must have turne...

(Spoken) I figured since I wrote a song about you know God and Jesus and all that I would have to give the opposition equal time. (Sung) Ever since first man has walked this Earth I have been here To whisper seeds of doubt and evil thoughts into his ear I am...

Mark: I like my toast buttered Stephen: and I'll take mine dry Mark: I dig the Beatles Stephen: I'm a Stones kinda guy Mark: I have fine taste Stephen: and I like things cheap Mark: I wanna stay up all night Stephen:I just wanna sleep, with your sister Mar...

had to see you one last time theres something on my mind how do i say what needs to be said? the words are hard to find how about bitch give me my money i want my money and i wwant it fast hey, bitch give me my money else i'm bout to take it out your ass 

You watch me on your TV. Say that my job is easy. Say I am not athletic. You think my sport's pathetic. But you can't judge me 'till you walked a mile in my bowling shoes. So I don't get all the ladies. Gotta mullet from the 80's I am known throughout the va...

I get home late from work tonight Baby, my body's achin'. Can't stop thinkin' 'bout you and me And the love that we'll be makin'. So I chill the champagne Light a candle or two (Baby, all the things I'll do to you) I love you so much my little heart is breakin...

I made love to ya all night long then i got up to write you a song i watched ya sleep and i fell in love ya must've been sent from heaven above don't think you could never do no wrong then you farted.... oh girl you farted.. first i thought that it...

Everyone knows Jesus The man who healed the lame. Well, I am Jesus' brother, Craig is my name. Jesus is the Prince of Peace. Jesus is the Lamb. Jesus is the Son of God, But Craig don't give a damn. Because when Craig's in sight, We'll party all damn night. I...

Harmonica. More harmonica. I got my twelve sided die and I'm ready to roll with a wizard and my goblin crew. My friends are coming over to my mom's basement bringing Funyuns and the Mountain Dew. I got a big broad sword made outta cardboard and that ste...

Lad, it's your duty to find ye a lass With child-bearing hips and a pink, supple ass And make her your wife and love her with love so true Now some rivers run high, some rivers run low When her river runs red, then she's starting her flow And it's called menst...

I'm a rich and famous doctor I always thought I'd be An expert in the field of Gynecology Next on my agenda: Checking your pudenda Let me see what I can find If you get your nerve up Slip inside the stirrups Single thought will cross my mind: I love putting...

Wanna have some quality time with my son So I brought him down to the fishin' hole Didn't like the feelin' of that worm in his hand Got mad, threw down his fishin' pole Said, "That's alright, son. Let's go and get an ice cream" "Let your old man buy you...

I kissed you on the cheek, "Good-night my love", I say, You turned to me and smile, a baby's on the way, and then you drift asleep, to dream of life anew, and I lie wondering, just what, I should do... I could kick you in the stomach, and catch you unawares,...

Here we are dear old friend You and I drunk again Laughs have been had and and tears have been shed Maybe the whiskey's gone to my head But if I were gay I would give you my heart And if I were gay You'd be my work of art And if I were gay We would swim in ro...

I bought a gerbil at the petting zoo If Richard Gere can do it I can too I get undressed,I start to lube I stick the gerbil in the end of the tube Wondering just how he'll feel Will he like it better than his little wheel Careful now he's right beside me One...

When Grandfather dies Life will be strange When Grandfather dies My whole world will change When Grandfather dies I'll scream and I'll yell 'Cause I'll be fuckin' rich as hell So Grandfather, die Don't keep me in suspense Oh Grandfather, cough Up that inherit...

All my days I live with my disgrace I’m afraid to show my face Or at least take off my underwear See I was born Like a half way neutered pet I don’t have a matching set It’s a part of me That just aint there Please, don’t stare Well I’m a gambling man with o...

I want to write you a poem That stands the test of all time A couplet, a quatrain, a ballad, a note With meter and rythym and rhyme I want it to speak of your virtue Sing praise to your stature and poise I want it to capture your beauty The soul that'...

Thinking of all the cool creatures that I will meet on this night Ghosts and goblins and witches roaming the streets in moonlight Bowls of candy and goodies, delicious and waiting in store The sound of cute little footsteps as they approach my front door...

She's part girl, she's part boy She's got parts everyone can enjoy She's got more, she's got less She's got her man hood tucked in her dress Is she a mister or is she a miss? Does she stand up when shes taking a piss? She's my little girl, yeah, she's my litt...

Here we are dear old friend You and I drunk again Laughs have been had and tears have been shed Maybe the whiskey has gone to my head But if I were gay, I would give you my heart And if I were gay you'd be my work of art If I were gay we would swim in r...

I see you there Behind the glass I drop a quarter in the slot and then I watch as you Shake that ass I watch you grind I watch you dance I show you mine, you show me yours and when we're done I button up my pants And my friends all laugh, my friends all scoff...

Pokemon's a silly faze Barney's now just purple haze The Power Rangers lost their will to fight Yeah the pigs in space, they rule the sky And Oscar's still a grouchy guy And Animal is looking dyno-mite Oh Jim Henson's dead and gone But his muppets will live...

When the game of life makes you feel like quittin', It helps a lot if you kill a kitten Mark my words, cause from where I'm sittin', You can't go wrong if you kill a kitten There's no crime that you'll be commitin' I know the law, you can kill a kitten If you...

You're the love of my life but it cuts like a knife and I feel that I'm being misled See I'm a little concerned for I've recently learned of the swastika tattoo on your head And it makes you smile when you hear "Sieg Heil" You love the smell of a burning cros...

If I had a hammer, I'd build a house for two. And if I had a sailing ship, I'd take a trip with you. And if I had a poets hand, I'd write a verse for thee. And if I had the painter's touch, on canvas you'd be. But I don't have a hammer And I dont have a ship...

hush little girl ~sweet~ sweet baby dont cry, tonight daddy is here and he'll sing you a soft lullaby, tonight why cant it all be like it was before how can i explain why mommy's not here anymore cause daddy likes porno and $10 whores daddy gets wasted and ro...

It's College time again September's almost here Hanging with freshmen girls Frat party kegs of beer I see a girl I'm wanting mixer at Delta Chi we take some oxycontin Dave Matthew gettin' high and then as I undress her and start my stimulus she says but wait p...

You say thats you're leaving but just for a day The company wants you to fly to LA So you leave me alone and i sit and i say What will i do today Today while you're away I wil... Sniff all your underwear Dress in your clothes Pleasure myself inside your panty...

Hey, well we come from Alabama, but were in Afghanistan were navy seals and green marines, hunting for a man they say he has a beard, a face, a dipper on his head I heard we wont be coming home until that fucker’s dead OhBinladin oh don’t you die to quick I’ve...

Charlie Brown had a big block head wore a stripy sweater everyday Tried to kick the football but Lucy always pulled the mother fucker away Flew a kite so he’d try to relax but he always put that shit in a tree And a little red-headed girl wouldn’t give no play...

My story is so tiresome. (tiresome!) Back in France, I was rich as they come. (as they come!) But I lost all my wealth And my good mental health. Now I live with ze filth and ze scum. (and ze scum!) I'm Pierre, ze only french bum in New York (ooooooooh) When...

Deep in prayer my cross to bear I kneel upon the floor Temptations of a Catholic priest aren't easy to ignore But I can not control myself It rips my soul apart For one small sheep among my flock has Stole the shepherd's heart Altar boy, altar boy Confess you...

She gotta smile, Yeah, She gotta smile and she's flashin' it right at me She gotta wink, a wink across the bar and I know that it's meant to be. She gotta walk, OOH, she walkin' over and I know IT could be my day. She got a ... friend, Aaaaw she gotta frien...

When I was a boy of 10, I had a very special friend Ed was kind, with good intent But just a little different Oh, special Ed his Mama mama dropped him dropped him on his head Now he's not so bright instead He's a little bit special Just a little bit... specia...

When I was a boy of 10 I had a very special friend Fred was kind with good intent But just a little different Oh special Fred mamma dropped him on his head Now hes not so bright instead Hes a little bit special Just a little bit special We played tag and he...

Watch them run, watch them fall, Watch them try to catch a ball, olympics At the special olympics. Watch them laugh, watch them drool, Watch them fall into the pool, that's diving. At the special olympics. And I know full well, that I will burn in hell, But...

If I could be a Superhero, I would be Awesome Man. I'd fly around the world fighting crime According to my Awesome Plan. And if I saw criminals trying to lie Hurting other people and making them cry I'd haul them off to jail in my Awesome Van. Because I would...

I came down to the breakfast table Felt like I could cry Tried so hard, but wasn’t able, To look you in the eye For I am feeling so much shame Yes I have brought disgrace Can tell I soiled my good name By the look upon your face… Well, it seems last n...

I flagged him down at the corner And he picked me up at the light I told him where I was going And we drove off into the night "How's it going my friend?" I asked him Slowly he turned his head The taxi driver looked at me And this is what he said He said... *f...

Do you know Tony Montana? Rode a boat here from Havana Scar from eating pussy lines his face Finds a day job washing dishes Hates his life he only wishes Someday in this world to find his place And he has a scheme For his own drug regime Dream Scarface dream...

This is for my little girl, wherever she may be tonight. You think I’d fuckin know where my daughter was tonight, it’s a brand new song I gotta work with these intros a little bit. Alright here we go. My lady gives birth today, I run to her room right away. S...

Have a seat and listen, please don't say a thing The matters of the heart sometimes, the truth will ever sting Just don't take it personally, this is no attack But we will never last because I am white and you are...also white I only like black girls the brow...

Voices in My Head Prelogue: You know, when you're up here and you're playing and having a good time and looking down on you and all of your smiling faces, you try to do a good show, but sometimes there's some shit going on inside that you guys are not privy t...

In the woods of Northern Michigan he made his home Didn't ask much from the world, just wanted to be alone He got his first real blade at thirteen thats when it all began soon the creatures of the forest called him whittlin' man yeah he whittled all day and...

I came down to the breakfast table Felt like I could cry I tried so hard but wasn't able To Look you in the eye For I am feeling so ashamed Yes I have brought disgrace I can tell i've soiled my good name, by the look upon your face Well it seems last night y...