Phoebe Buffay

Twelve years old and addicted to pork No one thought Monica would marry She knew her way around a knife and a fork 

Raindrops on roses and rabbits and kittens Bluebells and sleighbells and something with mittens La la la something with string These are... 

And there’s a country called Argentina It’s a place I’ve never seen But I'm told for fifty pesos You can buy a human spleen Human spleen Olé! 

They're tiny and chubby and so sweet to touch Soon they'll grow up and resent you so much Now they're yelling at you and you don't know why And you cry and you cry and you cry And you cry and you cry and you cry 

Oh the cow in the meadow goes moo Oh the cow in the meadow goes moo Then the farmer hits him on the head and grinds him up And that's how we get hamburgers Now chickens! 

Sometimes men love women And sometimes men love men Then there are bi-sexuals Though some just say they're kidding themselves La la la la la la la la la la 

New York City has no power And the milk is getting sour But to me that is not scary ‘Cause I stay away from dairy La la la la la la la la la la 

My mother's ashes, even her eyelashes Are resting in a little yellow jar And sometimes when it's breezy Or when I'm feeling sneezy And now I... 

...And the crusty old man said, I'll do what I can And the rest of the rats played maracas 

There'll be times when you get older When you'll want to sleep with people Just to make them like you but don't 'Cause that's another thing That you don't wanna do Everybody! That's another thing That you don't wanna do 

...was the double, double, double-jointed boy 

Emma, your name poses a dilemma 'Cause not much else rhymes with Emma Maybe the actor Richard Crenna He played the commanding officer in Rambo Happy Birthday Emma! 

Chandler: I’ll hold you close in my arms I can’t resist your charm And love Phoebe: Love Chandler & Phoebe: I’ll be a fool for you I’m sure, you know I don’t mind Chandler: No, you know I don’t mind Chandler & Phoebe: And yes! You mean the wor...

First time I met Chandler I thought he was gay But here I am singing On his wedding day 

Now Grandma's the person who everyone likes She bought you a train and a bright shiny bike But lately she hasn't been coming to dinner And last time you saw her she looked so much thinner Now your mom and your dad said she moved to Peru But the truth is...

Went to the store, sat on Santa's lap Asked him to bring my friends all kinds of crap He said, all you need is to write them a song Now you haven't heard it yet, so don't try to sing along So don't sing along Monica, Monica, have a happy Hanukkah Saw Sa...

Jingle bitch screwed me over Go to hell jingle whore Go to hell, go to hell Go to hell, hell, hell 

I found you in my bed How'd you wind up there? You are a mystery Little black curly hair Little black curly hair Little black, little black Little black, little black Little black curly hair 

Are you in there little fetus? In nine months will you come greet us? I will buy you some Adidas 

Love is sweet as summer showers Love is a wondrous work of art But your love oh your love, your love Is like a giant pigeon crapping on my heart La la la la la la la la la la 

You don't have to be awake to be my man As long as you have brain waves I'll be there to hold your hand Though we just met the other day There's something I have go to say... 

Parading goats are parading, Parading down the street. Parading goats are parading, Leaving little treats. 

I'm in the shower and I'm writing a song Stop me if you've heard it My skin is soapy and my hair is wet And Tegrin spelled backward is Nirget Lather, rinse, repeat And lather, rinse, repeat And lather, rinse, repeat As needed 

Smelly cat, smelly cat What are they feeding you? Smelly cat, smelly cat It's not your fault They won't take you to the vet You're obviously not their favorite pet Smelly cat, smelly cat It's not your fault You may not be a bed of roses You're not f...

I made a man with eyes of coal And a smile so bewitchin’ How was I supposed to know That my mom was dead in the kitchen? La la la la la la la la la la 

Stephanie knows all the chords 

My favorite shoes, so good to me I wear them everyday Down at the heel, holes in the toes Don't care what people say My feet's best friends, pals to the end With them I'm one hot chicky Though late one night, not much light I stepped in something icky...

Terry's a jerk And he won't let me work And I hate Central Perk 

... fuchsia and mauve Those are the sixty six colors of my bedroom 

It wasn’t just that she was fat The woman smelled like garbage Everyone! It wasn’t just that she was fat The woman smelled like garbage 

And they found their bodies the very next day They found their bodies the very next day La la la la la la la la la la 

Little, tiny Tarzan swinging on a nose hair Swinging with the greatest of ease 

It only takes two heart attacks To finally make you see One of them won't do it But the second one will set you free Tell all your hate and anger It's time to say goodbye And that is just what I will do As soon as those bastards I work for die La l...

There was a girl we'll call her Betty And a guy let's call him Neil Now I can't stress this point too strongly This story isn't real Now our Neil must decide Who will be the girl that he casts aside Will Betty be the one who he loves truly Or will it b...

When I play, I play for me I don't need your charity La la la la la la la la la la