Drowse

"...friendships, my family, um...Try to not let my mind ruminate too much. At one point in my life my mind was ruminating too much and I had to get on some… ...neighborhood street. Then I came over and I asked your dad “where’s Kyle” and he said upstairs. S...

"...and the meaning of everything, you were seeing meaning in everything. And then you just kept staying awake and staying awake and staying awake and finally we went up to your bedroom--and you weren’t yourself you know? It was like a terrifying feeling as a...

“It was before I met your mom, and I’m going to say I was probably about 28--and you’ve heard this story, but I’ll tell my mom. I was lying in bed and I had my face against the wall and I woke up in the middle of the, like early, you know, two in the morning....

Pick me up On mount tabor City mirrored in the water Getting darker The liquid in Our glass Spin around ‘Till lights are silent As I grow older I will erase myself I’ll drink your wine Can you tell me the difference Between living...

Betty you lived your life as an artist; do you remember showing me where sky meets lake? Watching you watch the light fade, I knew we felt the same ache: To see the through the mystery, or maybe just get some insides out. You never pictured y...

Fence in Winter Overgrown And closed Four sides, Nothing enters Just silent snow Trust that it won’t open up Seasons change and it remains untouched Inside black Vines wither As they glow You are the moonlight Shining in Between posts...

(The sounds heard while walking To an empty music school Under the freezing sun in Skagaströnd.) He’s not human, A fire in black and white: My internal uncanny valley, Fog around half formed memories. Can you feel the lack Of warmth in the su...

"He came up and said: “something’s wrong, something’s went wrong, Kyle’s not responding he’s not responding.” Then I came down there and you were just like staring straight ahead… So I just grabbed you, threw you in my car. I worked at the hospital so I...

Alone, October, face in clouds lit by the moon August: Salt water down my throat Choke On wet heat at night... Soft skin that’s been sundrenched November, she writes: “You became that for me, Mixture of image memory” Ribbon of sleep Sli...

Pt. 1 (Fog in Air) Inside the clouds: Gray emptiness for miles, Ice patterns under feet. Internal heat Left over from the river... Exhale fog in air (fog in air) 

Pt. 2 (Knowing pt. 2) Around what’s not me You’ll never know What I mean What heat? Self-betrayal then detachment Burning knowledge then acceptance. 

pt. 3 (Replica) I’ve confirmed it, so back to the city I go, replica born from the snow. Gaba version of me, mirror self 

pt. 4 (Birdsong) walking around saying what’s expected until that fog rolls in over the mountain (again) until the world is distant and clouds meet sea until the world is indifferent, that birdsong: “free”. When city lights fade well, I like to dr...

In silence thoughts are born, stories that die with us: gates to the internal world. Let them open up. Why do we fear our selves, muffling silence with cold blue light? Who are you without the things you buy, and the posts you like-- withou...

The snow outside, the pill I take to hide from life: the way it blankets my mind, it’s hard to describe With slowing heartbeat, the way it erases what’s beneath, the way it thaws slowly, revealing Muddy human shape imprinted: shame. Musty l...

You’ll never know me without a seizure at age four: absent eyes, ambulance ride, life: a closing door. No, it doesn't work like that: we don’t lose ourselves in other people’s worlds. “We” is always “me” and you’ll never know. Sterile smell, fever...

We all grow to doubt at times Slowly fall apart Unwind Becoming undone to find We all feign life Sometimes To wait, to hope It’s hopeless Been broken For a while To make my life Meaningful After realizing The meaninglessness of life...

Above the clouds Carved out by black wires Snow melts beneath my feet Garbage heap Across the river We quietly breathe in My bedroom Waking from a dream Mind circles again Morning yawns A birdsong Pill melts beneath my tongue I sigh...

Lying in bed, I find an egg I hold it to the light and see its insides They're still there somehow beneath A pale shell that should’ve been broken by now Things like you don’t last too long Look at what the arborists have done I’ve got no limbs, I...

I'll close my eyes that's all I wanted I'll rest my head that's all I needed 

Free in narrow alleyways that block out sun. Portland in air, (question:) “evil” on tongue. Darkthrone in headphones, climbing stairs to the gallery Phil sang about in “Soria Moria”. I prefer Balke, Stetind in Fog: no humans, it transpo...

Growing, shrinking, I don’t take care of it ‘cause it’s “what’s inside that counts”, and I’m scared of it-- the way it binds me to the “physical world”, how it reminds me: life’s a leaf in October. But there’s no “physical world”-- there’s “n...

You woke me up, placed me in small ribs firm and strong. Breathing in your breathy voice, I grew, we were bound. “Awake and alive caught inside your airy sound, I don’t want to get out.” Run fingers through short black hair. Put me to...

In your car, parked cold air flows through your mouth: the dream of a friend’s hand on your head growing cold. Death Thought surrounds me: not death untimely, a wasted life, the bad person quickening inside of me. “We taste anxiety.”...

One way that you can calm the fear: say what you want to hear. “It’s raining again.” Drunk by my friend’s side, we watched my father open wide. “A branch that cracks in the wind.” Oh let it be known that I’m afraid. Oh let it be shown: Death...

Two faces lit by candlelight speaking over food and drink, and drink, and drink, and drink’s insight. I’m the self I want to be, a city that’s not home, no other squirming around in me. Feel myself open up wide, beautiful, you sit across. Out...

Cloud eaten by the air; For months bile spilled from throat, ‘cause I don’t trust anyone: it rains a little less. I’m still afraid of death; I’ll “take every pill that I can find.” When I’m drunk at night stumbling in that light the sky spea...

Feeling faint around others Hoping I’m just another On my own: Self imposed Bitter teeth, aching gums Open mouth, spoiled tongue Breathing’s hard when you’re young “I used to be something Living’s turned me into nothing” I once had somet...

Cold side of the pillow, marking on my cheek: loyal in my cold life so sadness doesn’t seep out I go to drink to warm my soul or whatever’s inside: frightened animal. When I’m cold I’m closed: someone broke my nose at night, blood ran through...